Monday, August 30, 2010


*There has been a lot of things going on in my head that I couldn't contain it any longer. Some of those thoughts end up here, so just read on if you want to know what runs in my mind. I may not have the widest vocabulary, but I am going to work on it.*
Do I want to be a somebody someday? I would have answered yes a few years back,
but now, I don't want to be JUST a somebody.
I want to be a somebody who CARES about the world and not just about myself.
I want to be somebody who can influence change.
I want to be somebody who can transfer people's IDEAS and my ideas as well intoACTION.
I want to be somebody who can foresee what the world will be needing.
I want to be somebody that can CHANGE THE WORLD.
I know everyone wants to "CHANGE" the world but only a few tried doing it so.
You know what's lacking?

Belief in God and ourselves.
First of all, we can't do anything without God, seriously.
Second, dude, we have to have faith in ourselves as well. We cannot do something if we are not 100 percent certain that it will work.
Believe that we can affect change. Believe that we can do anything( with God's help of course). It is the belief level that gets people going and motivated in reaching their goals and aspirations.
Here is also where our confidence sets in. We should believe that we have the power to affect change.
"Who will believe in you if you yourself do not believe in yourself??"
Now that we've got the faith, what's next?

So we do believe in ourselves, but we do not know where to start.
I call this the idea generating stage. We've got the faith now we have to know where to put our faith into.
Another quotation comes to my mind when we talk about planning.
"Those who fail to plan, plan to fail."
We can't start anything without planning it out first.
Here also lies our vision, something that we foresee that can create a big impact in our society as we know it.
So what can we do that can make a big influence on people around us, or even on to a much wider audience?
Now we got this awesome idea!What now?

I know it, we all know it.
We got all these crazy ideas on how we can change the world yet it remains inside our heads.
Why can't we do something about it?
We might say it is not that easy, but what the heck, we can do anything if we just believe in what we're advocating;

Our confidence, coupled with a well laid plan and putting our plan out through our feet,

Let our journey on influencing change in the world begin.

*I really should credit the Princess Diaries for inspiring me to write this entry and for inspiring me to be a somebody who can definitely change the world.*

"Now I am starting to create my own famous stories"

Saturday, August 21, 2010


I just couldn't believe how my life and my mindset have changed within this past four months. 

It specifically started when I turned 19.

Everything started when I turned 19.

All the thrills,
All the flirting,
All the love stuff,
All the lessons about love and life.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AND REALIZED(whether right or wrong I don't care but this is what I've learned):
Learned to flirt, mingle, like, love, get hurt.
Learned more about infatuation, intimacy, commitment.
Learned how guys think.
Learned to open my rational mind when in love.
Learned to know if someone loves/love/loved me or not.
Learned not to give it my all when in love.
Learned that guys should love more than girls love them.
Realize how love sucks.
Realize that it wasn't time for me to get serious about relationships.
Realized how fun life is when you're unattached.
And realized how an experience made me scared to fall in love again :( 
(what a common realization/reaction yaah yaah I know but hey, it's really traumatic.There was a question in an audition sheet about "What is your biggest fear?" I answered failure, I should've added "getting hurt" there, it could be part of rejection, but the hurt is what I am really afraid of.)

I've learned a lot about these things within 4 months.

I mean, these are what I should have learned little by little but destiny paved its way to make me learn a lot about this in one throw.

A lot has changed.

The way I think.
The way I handle my life.
The way I view things.
The way I view love.
And the way I view life.

As of now, I'm still trying to get back on track and get the old me back.
It's hard though, from the things I have experienced I sure learned the hard way.
Somehow, it serves me right.
My stubborn mind would just shun away the love lecture people share to me and say every love is different, I don't need a basis on this.
But the truth is I need to learn a lot about love.

I'm trying to get my focus back on the things I need to focus on.
Yes, something happened that made a big big impact in my life,
something that pushed my pause button.


I have started retrieving my PLAY button, thank God there are people around me who's constantly there for me.

It has been a hard process for me, seriously, it was like my whole world collapsed that time.

I didn't know what to do, but thank you to God, my family, and my friends I have gone through it fairly well.

But I can still notice the big change in me, both in a good way and in a bad way.
Now, I'm trying to change the bad "change" that happened to me.

I do have to get my self-respect back because it's kind of starting a rebellion against the administration(myself).

I have a lot of things to regain, but I have to do it one step at a time.

So now, what do I have to do?

I have to forgive myself(as what Maam Lyn said, I still have not forgiven myself fully)
I have to fix myself

I have to bring back my self respect
I have to bring my pride back up(in some aspects)
I have to bring back my MOMENTUM

I wonder if there's someone out there who can help me gain back these stuff I had lost.
I sure can do this on my own but whatever or whoever it is would definitely be a great help.

God's there for me I know.:)

Sunday, August 8, 2010


It is true.
All you need to keep going is God.

I miss you Lord.

You are my Healer.
You are my Comforter.
You are my Protector.

Lord, I feel like a prodigal daughter coming back to You,
Forgive me for what I've been doing the past months.

Thank You Lord for always being there for me,
even when I myself don't want to be here for me.

Sorry Lord for disappointing You.
I love You Lord