While I was reading my past blog entries, I couldn't help but think that maybe I really am destined for the glossy pages (I have the freedom to dream bwahahaha) . Though I still have to widen up my vocabulary because my mind's dictionary is not that profound (Note to self: read an actual dictionary!). Oh, and I will need a grammar review as well. Wonder where I got my passion for writing(or typing) came from...
I think this whole writing my thoughts down started when I was in high school, specifically when I was in 1st year.
I wasn't like how I am now. I couldn't share my thoughts with other kids 'cause I felt that they might laugh at me or whatever; and I wasn't the friendliest and the kid others wanted to hang out with then. All my thoughts and emotions were written down( too bad I threw all my old "documents" away because of embarassment ). Everything I felt it was there in my notebooks. Some of my classmates, the ones i'm comfortable sharing it with would know almost everything about me though that notebook of mine. But after about a year notebooks/journals/diaries were out of the picture..
That was when the sensational "blog" came. Everyone was going digital. My blogs were my haven. I can write everything I wanted to express in it and people can actually read it. Here was the time I started wanting people to hear my thoughts out loud.
I don't really know how many people have read my blog but I really hoped they enjoyed reading my entries(sans the wrong grammar and stuff). But one thing's for sure..
"I want people to enjoy reading my entries; something that would spark their interest and keep reading on. I want people to read my thoughts, learn from what I share about my experiences in life, feel my emotions, and somehow be influenced by my passion; even if it means my life would eventually become an open book."
*There has been a lot of things going on in my head that I couldn't contain it any longer. Some of those thoughts end up here, so just read on if you want to know what runs in my mind. I may not have the widest vocabulary, but I am going to work on it.*
Do I want to be a somebody someday? I would have answered yes a few years back,
but now, I don't want to be JUST a somebody.
I want to be a somebody who CARES about the world and not just about myself.
I want to be somebody who can influence change.
I want to be somebody who can transfer people's IDEAS and my ideas as well intoACTION.
I want to be somebody who can foresee what the world will be needing.
I want to be somebody that can CHANGE THE WORLD.
I know everyone wants to "CHANGE" the world but only a few tried doing it so.
You know what's lacking?
Belief in God and ourselves.
First of all, we can't do anything without God, seriously.
Second, dude, we have to have faith in ourselves as well. We cannot do something if we are not 100 percent certain that it will work.
Believe that we can affect change. Believe that we can do anything( with God's help of course). It is the belief level that gets people going and motivated in reaching their goals and aspirations.
Here is also where our confidence sets in. We should believe that we have the power to affect change. "Who will believe in you if you yourself do not believe in yourself??" Now that we've got the faith, what's next?
PLAN. So we do believe in ourselves, but we do not know where to start.
I call this the idea generating stage. We've got the faith now we have to know where to put our faith into.
Another quotation comes to my mind when we talk about planning.
"Those who fail to plan, plan to fail."
We can't start anything without planning it out first.
Here also lies our vision, something that we foresee that can create a big impact in our society as we know it.
So what can we do that can make a big influence on people around us, or even on to a much wider audience? Now we got this awesome idea!What now?
I know it, we all know it.
We got all these crazy ideas on how we can change the world yet it remains inside our heads.
Why can't we do something about it?
We might say it is not that easy, but what the heck, we can do anything if we just believe in what we're advocating;
Our confidence, coupled with a well laid plan and putting our plan out through our feet,
Let our journey on influencing change in the world begin.
*I really should credit the Princess Diaries for inspiring me to write this entry and for inspiring me to be a somebody who can definitely change the world.*
"Now I am starting to create my own famous stories"
I just couldn't believe how my life and my mindset have changed within this past four months.
It specifically started when I turned 19.
Everything started when I turned 19.
All the thrills, All the flirting, All the love stuff, All the lessons about love and life.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AND REALIZED(whether right or wrong I don't care but this is what I've learned): Learned to flirt, mingle, like, love, get hurt. Learned more about infatuation, intimacy, commitment. Learned how guys think. Learned to open my rational mind when in love. Learned to know if someone loves/love/loved me or not. Learned not to give it my all when in love. Learned that guys should love more than girls love them. Realize how love sucks. Realize that it wasn't time for me to get serious about relationships. Realized how fun life is when you're unattached. And realized how an experience made me scared to fall in love again :( (what a common realization/reaction yaah yaah I know but hey, it's really traumatic.There was a question in an audition sheet about "What is your biggest fear?" I answered failure, I should've added "getting hurt" there, it could be part of rejection, but the hurt is what I am really afraid of.)
I've learned a lot about these things within 4 months.
I mean, these are what I should have learned little by little but destiny paved its way to make me learn a lot about this in one throw.
A lot has changed.
The way I think. The way I handle my life. The way I view things. The way I view love. And the way I view life.
As of now, I'm still trying to get back on track and get the old me back. It's hard though, from the things I have experienced I sure learned the hard way. Somehow, it serves me right. My stubborn mind would just shun away the love lecture people share to me and say every love is different, I don't need a basis on this. But the truth is I need to learn a lot about love.
I'm trying to get my focus back on the things I need to focus on.
Yes, something happened that made a big big impact in my life,
something that pushed my pause button.
I NEED THEPLAYBUTTON NOW.
I have started retrieving my PLAY button, thank God there are people around me who's constantly there for me.
It has been a hard process for me, seriously, it was like my whole world collapsed that time.
I didn't know what to do, but thank you to God, my family, and my friends I have gone through it fairly well.
But I can still notice the big change in me, both in a good way and in a bad way. Now, I'm trying to change the bad "change" that happened to me.
I do have to get my self-respect back because it's kind of starting a rebellion against the administration(myself).
I have a lot of things to regain, but I have to do it one step at a time.
So now, what do I have to do?
I have to forgive myself(as what Maam Lyn said, I still have not forgiven myself fully) Ihaveto fix myself -priorities -personality I have to bring back my self respect I have to bring my pride back up(in some aspects) I have to bring back my MOMENTUM
I wonder if there's someone out there who can help me gain back these stuff I had lost. I sure can do this on my own but whatever or whoever it is would definitely be a great help. :)
Sa may mga pseudo-relationship, this might help you think about your situation for sure , we know that we should not be in this kind of relationship..Most of you will probably agree that women wants commitment..but sad to say there are lot of women who are caught up in this situation despite the fact na lugi ang babae sa ganitong set-up …
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang “parang kayo pero hindi” stage ay BIHIRANG nagiging totoo..Usually, hanggang doon lang siya..almost but not quite…
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be “friends.” They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she’s okay. They still date. they still have sex. They don’t see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn’t know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. “Parang sila, pero hindi.”
She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? “He hasn’t admitted anything,” she rants. “But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi.”
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie,have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said “I love you” once but she wasn’t sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she’s assuming that with what he’s doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There’s just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He’s a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers,they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that “sila na” but then she’s not really sure about it. “We don’t talk about it but it doesn’t really matter,” she’d tell her friends. “What’s important is I am enjoying this — whatever it is.”
The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo –usually the guy –may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi “hindi naman kayo.”
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng “kalaro.”
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba’t ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng “buti na iyan kesa w ala” or puwede na iyang “pantawid-gutom.” Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that “kilig” feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako.No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn’t commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren’t ready to commit.
My rationalization, “okay na iyun, kesa wala.”
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can’t ask him to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can’t expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can’t be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no “us.” Meron lang “you and me,” hindi “us.”
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
you’d end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo
muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships
and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable
guy, a friend told me, “Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita.”
WHATEVER I WILL BE POSTING NOW IS CAUSED BY A PSEUDO RELATIONSHIP GONE BAD...WELL ON MY PART ONLY, I THINK.
Why does it look like guys have the easier life when falling in love?
Though I might say I'm not the type that easily falls for a guy, but this time's really different. I fell for him fast and deep..now it's as if we don't know each other.
How is it possible for a guy to be sweet today, then tomorrow it's as if you don't know each other?
How can a guy get sick of loving a girl?
Is it that hard to tell a girl the truth??
Why can't the guy be the first to patch things up??
I'M A FREAKIN GIRL!
AS MUCH AS I WANT TO TALK TO YOU I CAN'T BECAUSE OF THE MERE FACT THAT I'M A GIRL AND YOU'RE THE GUY DAMN IT!
I WOULD LOOK HELL LOT STUPID IF I'M THE ONE AGAIN TO ASK YOU WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS!
Why couldn't YOU tell it to ME straight up if you like or love someone else or that you don't love me anymore?Or if you don't love me as much as i hell love you?!
I can take that more than I can take wondering if we still have a chance to patch things up. Though I know it's hard but I still would be friends with you, all I need is for you to tell me that this thing of ours is over. I just need to know if I would still be hoping that we still have a chance or just freakin' move on and not be stupid. I shouldn't have taken the risk of giving all my freakin crazy love to you.
I told you I don't play games when it comes to this stuff.YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE CALLED?
I'm not the one who ate my words, you did.
Pa fall ka talaga.You're just the same as the guy I told you about.You're no different.
Pa fall then leave.
I should've been careful.
Twice in a row.
STUPIDITY does play a big role in my life right now.
A fashion blogger/designer/artist with the flare for outfit revamps and recons. Resourcefulness, creativity and passion- this blog is the continuous result of all these characteristics.
Enjoy reading my fashion blog!
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